I was about nine and the only child when my parents got the divorce. I didn't know why they got divorced because at that age I really didn't understand very much. My name is Rick Smith and this is a story of how I lived two lives.

Ever since I was young it seemed like my parents and I had a normal life. Things had always gone well for my parents and me. We'd always spent a lot of time together. But every so often I'd hear them arguing in their bedroom. I had no idea what they were arguing over. Both of them had steady jobs and were making good money, that much I did understand. It really confused me as to what they were arguing over.

When I was seven the arguing got a little worse. Sometimes I was very scared and didn't know what to do, especially when they'd argue right in front of me. I still had no clue as to what they were arguing over. When they were not together I'd ask them if everything was okay and they'd say, yes, and there was nothing to worry about. Everything would be okay. Sometimes I'd sit in my room alone wondering what would be bothering them. I felt as though I was living two lives and that I was stuck somewhere in the middle of all this. The time we spent together as a family slowly drifted away until it was like my parents hated each other's guts. I'd try and tell them to resolve their problem but then they'd just keep arguing with each other and my dad would get very angry at me for saying that.

In June of 1993 they started talking about a divorce. I didn't know why they wanted a divorce. Every so often they'd argue over the subject. Then on my eighth birthday I only received one present from the both of them and that made me feel real sad. It was very hard to understand what they were going through. Things got even worse when sometimes my dad would be gone for about three to four days at a time.

It wasn't long after my nineth birthday that my parents filed for a divorce. My dad moved to Colorado and my mom and I stayed here in California. I was very sad when he left. I thought that I would never see him again. It was really hard to cope with the divorce. I really never understood why they got it except my mom thought that he was having an affair with another woman. I still blamed myself for it, thinking that all these years I'd been doing something bad.

Now my dad is happily married again with two stepchildren and three of his own. I sometimes go to visit them in Colorado. My mom is with another guy and he's pretty nice. They live in the suburbs of L.A. Every now and then I go to California to visit them. Both of my parents seem to be doing a lot better since they got the divorce. But it still feels like I'm living two lives because I go back and forth. Sometimes I wish they could get back together but I realize now it's impossible.

Now that I'm older and starting a family of my own I know better what to do and what not to do in a relationship. Because if I'm not careful I know that I could end up like my parents. And I don't want that because I don't want my kids to go through what I did.

Fred Alstrom