As I sat in my room looking out the window watching my friends having fun I wished that I wouldn't have gotten the virus. If I hadn't gotten it I would have been out having fun like all the others. Then I began to think back in my past when I first found out I had the HIV virus. Tears began running down my cheeks as I thought about it.

When I was 15 years old I was out with my friends having fun as usual. We walked around and stopped at the playground to talk. One of my friends changed the subject and started talking about drinking and having drugs. All my friends tried to convince me to join them but I told them I had to be home before it got too late. I noticed they were disappointed because I didn't join them, so I told them I'd have a little. We went to an apartment and started drinking and smoking marijuana slowly. As it got late, everyone was getting drunk, including myself.

A couple of weeks later I went to the clinic to check if I had anything wrong with me. A week later when I found out I had the HIV virus, I cried. I couldn't believe it, but the doctor told me it was true, I had the virus. I stayed at the clinic for a while asking her questions. The first question I asked was, "How long will I live while I have this virus?" And she said, "About five to ten years. That's the longest you can live." I started crying again and I asked them, "Will anyone notice what I have?", and they replied, "I don't think so."

A couple more days went by and I called up one of my friends to see how she was doing. We talked on the phone for an hour and forty-five minutes. When I told my friend that I had the virus, she never said anything for two and a half minutes. I asked her what she thought and she said that she was sorry for what happened. "What do you mean?" I asked. She answered, "What I mean is that I'm sorry to hear that you have the HIV virus." When I asked her if she'd come and visit sometime, she said she was going to move to another city. I knew that was just an excuse and that she didn't really want to visit me because she was afraid she might catch the virus.

Every day after that I'd stay home in my room looking out the window. My friends quit visiting me after I told them. When people found out, they would look at me very strangely. Sometimes when I was out for a little walk, I'd hear people say, "She has HIV! We can't go close to her!" But I'd just ignore them and keep on walking.

As the years passed, and I turned 21, I decided to call one of my friends to see if she was still living nearby. Her mom answered the phone and asked who was calling. I told her it was me, and she didn't say anything for a while. When I asked her if she was still there she inquired how was I doing. I told her I was still the same. She called her daughter and she came down to the phone. She sounded surprised when she heard my voice. We talked on the phone for an hour. After we hung up I went to my room and looked out the window. A couple days later though, I started feeling weak. I got into my bed and looked out the window. It had started snowing. Later that night my breathing began slowing down. Then I saw double and suddenly everything went black!!

Kathy Duny

Among sexually active college
students, anonymous testing
showed one of 500 had HIV.