In most of American society
the person who speaks first also controls the topic of the
conversation. If you speak first, you will automatically find
yourself talking about YOUR agenda. Then in order to
hear the other person's topic you will have to wait long
enough for the topic to change gracefully.
In one study of phone calls
researchers found that even someone who would make an obscene
phone call would not introduce his 'subject' until the other
person officially 'answered' by saying 'hello.' When the
person just picked up the phone without saying 'hello' all she
got from the caller was heavy breathing, but no
obscenities. Some of these patterns of communication are
so deep that we won't break them even where we will break FCC
regulations!
It's O.K. to speak first, if
you merely state your willingness to hear what's on your
visitor's mind and then back out of the way.
