Fifty Patterns for Making Sense

 

6.  Use an intermediary

 

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Wherever misunderstanding is a problem, stop listening to your closest colleagues and work through intermediaries.

 

 

 

   
 

Miscommunication between two people is self-perpetuating.  When you misunderstand someone you may also misunderstand their attempt to 'repair' the situation.  We are all familiar with the vicious cycle that goes like this:  'What are you so mad about?'  'I'm not mad'.  'Well, you sound mad'.  'Well, not I'm getting mad.  Will you leave me alone?'

Among professionals and business people there is a tendency to associate mostly with others from the same group.  This leads to stereotyping your responses to people from outside your group.  After all, 'everyone' seems to agree about 'them'.

You need to work with an intermediary to break out of one of these vicious circles.  In Japan, China, America, and even Europe until quite recently anything as an important as marriage was arranged through a go-between.  Now we are finding that one of the reasons Japanese management has worked so soccussfully in the modern industrial setting is this ancient ability to work through intermediaries.

 

   
   
 

Move around (10) and you will have more contacts that might serve as intermediaries.  Acknowledge power (12) by giving others a graceful way of commuunicating to you through others.  When you can't figure out what someone is driving at assume indirectness (38).  Creative wandering (44) may be your best way of picking up clues about what you are missing in the situation.  Learn to enjoy the humanity of others (50) by noticing different ways they use to communicate with you.

 

   
 

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